I can text with my tongue
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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