I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
