just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
