I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
