he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
