my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
