Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
