a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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