I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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