you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
