Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
