he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
did i walk over a car last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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