I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
