....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
