Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't think brook has ever known best
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
