I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
