I got her a Nickelback box set.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
