How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
