Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
