yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
