last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize