a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
