She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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