While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
