Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
