Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
