i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
