Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
