My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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