She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think i have two assholes
please come you make the beer taste better
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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