now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
