You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
