If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So much rum. So many feels.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
