my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
