How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
