apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
