it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
