a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I want to make a zoo with you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
