2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
