The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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