the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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