I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
