Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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