I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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