No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
