anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
