im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
