I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
