u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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