you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
