Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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