Is it because I queefed?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
