I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
