make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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