you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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