I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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