...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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