Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
