I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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