This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Randomize
