I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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