So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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